for Edmund

[tooktheblack]

After having spent some time with Lionel that wasn't exactly in Jon's normal habits or routines he thought, perhaps, it might be a good idea to seek out someone to talk about recent developments. It wasn't really breaking his oaths, of that Jon was certain, but what it was he couldn't say and Edmund, at least, had taken another man as a lover and might have some insight.

It was strange how close he felt to Edmund considering that for all intents and purposes he was his goodbrother but the sister that Jon's former self had been married to was no longer here and Jon had no interest in a wife or children. He'd broken oaths left and right to save Arya and protect the Watch but since Ygritte, he hadn't broken that oath and he didn't intend to again.

Edmund lived near Summerfell, at least, and Jon called out to him from the path.

"Edmund? Could I speak to you?"

Overly formal, yes, but Jon didn't exactly know how to broach this subject.

Comments

[giftless]

Edmund was a boy who preferred to spend most of his time outdoors rather than in, even if it was simply sitting on the porch of his hut as he did now. Feet propped up on the railing, Honour sprawled out beneath his legs, Edmund lifted his head as he leaned in his chair at the sound of Jon's voice.

He hadn't any idea what Jon would want to speak to him about exactly, but he thought that if he had to ask, then it had to be somewhat important. "Of course," he called back. There was another chair for the other young man to sit at, if he wanted, but Edmund tried to drop his feet back down to the ground, to at least appear more respectful. He ended up nudging Honour with his heels until the direwolf huffed a great sigh and rolled out of the way. "Lazy sod," he muttered fondly.

[tooktheblack]

Jon took the other chair. How did one really broach this subject anyway? There was nothing to do but just be out with it, he guessed, and he covered by greeting Honour before speaking to Edmund directly.

"How did you know, exactly, that you were attracted to Charlie?"

[giftless]

Edmund was also a boy who appreciated not beating around the bush, but he was in no way prepared for that sort of question.

He stared at Jon blankly for a moment, lips parted, then pulled himself together. It was a personal subject in his mind, but Jon was a friend and more importantly he was family in the ways that mattered. There had to be an awfully good reason for this kind of conversation.

"Well... To be honest, he had to kiss me," Edmund explained. "Rather surprised me with it, in fact. I hadn't thought about... that sort of thing, not really, with anyone before that. And then once he kissed me, he was all I could think about."

[tooktheblack]

Similar, then, to Jon's own experience and he brushed his palms off on his trousers before looking back up at Edmund. Strange, how difficult it was to talk about this when it hadn't been difficult at all to do it.

"Ah, Lionel kissed me. I wasn't bothered by it."

[giftless]

Lionel. There could not be another young man by that name in Jon's acquaintance. Edmund's mind shot back to Halloween, miserable day that it was, and his meeting with Lionel. A little sharp, perhaps, but not a bad sort at all.

Edmund raised an eyebrow. "There's quite a bit of space between not being bothered by something and enjoying it, Jon..."

[tooktheblack]

"I enjoyed it. It's just not something I've ever done before," he said, shrugging. "And I don't know exactly how I feel about it just yet, is all. Did you know right away how you felt?"

[giftless]

Edmund gave Jon a thin, sheepish smile and ducked his head. "No, I.. I ran away," he admitted. He rolled his eyes at himself.

"It was a rather stupid thing to do, and I knew it even at the time. But it wasn't something I was used to either. I needed time to think about it, I suppose. But it was rotten for both Charlie and I, as I think we were both miserable for a few days as I sorted things out."

[tooktheblack]

"I didn't run away, exactly," Jon said and at least, in this, he thought he was doing all right. "But there wasn't a lot of talking involved either and I guess I should probably talk to him about what we should...expect going forward."

[giftless]

"That would be a good idea," Edmund said carefully. He was prone to giving advice, as that had been what was expected of him as king, but he knew that sometimes people did not want advice, only someone to listen.

"Do you want my advice, Jon, or just someone to talk to?"

[tooktheblack]

"Advice wouldn't be remiss," Jon said, smiling. "I'm sorry, I haven't really been overly forthcoming or even obvious about what I wanted to say, so if you have advice, I'm happy to hear it. You've been one of the people who's been the most welcoming and wise since I showed up here. I'll always want to hear your counsel."

[giftless]

"No, I understand," Edmund quickly assured him, smiling himself. "It's confusing. But I'm honored you came to me either way."

He paused, pursing his lips together for a moment as he gathered together his words. "I think it's best you talked to Lionel about what you're feeling, but be careful, too. It's one thing to want something and not know how to go about it. There's no shame in asking for help in that. But no one likes to feel as though they're.. an experiment or something to be unsure about. Not that I think you feel that way about Lionel, I'm sure, but make sure he knows it. And don't treat this lightly, though I'm sure you won't be doing that either."

[tooktheblack]

"The last thing I want to do is hurt my friend," Jon agreed. "And I wasn't sure how to express to him that my hesitance about a physical relationship didn't have any bearing on my caring for him. Because I do care about him. He's just much more experienced than I am in these things. It's not something I'm even supposed to want, to be with someone."

[giftless]

Edmund smiled faintly. "The thing I have learned about duty and honor and things of that sort is that they're impossible a lot of the time. It's the striving for them that's dutiful and honorable. But there's a great deal of honor in loving someone, too, and bravery in pursuing what you want, so long as it doesn't hurt others."

He paused, then reached out to lightly clap Jon's shoulder. "Just be honest with him. If he's worthy of you, then you'll find how to make it work."

[tooktheblack]

"I can be honest. It's easier to do that than to mince words, anyway," Jon admitted. "I've always been pretty blunt. Not like Arya, exactly, but I'm not the kind of person to soften something just because the truth can hurt."

He smiled, just a bit, and scratched Ghost behind the ears. "But in this instance, I don't think honesty will hurt him."

[giftless]

Edmund huffed a soft laugh. "No one's like Arya exactly," he said. "And I'm always here if you need, Jon. Hopefully you'll be able to figure it all out with Lionel, but just in case."

[tooktheblack]

"I thank you for your counsel and, even more than that, for your friendship."

Edmund had given him a chance in spite of the fact that he wasn't the Jon he'd known and, in fact, the Jon he'd known had been married to his sister. Jon couldn't imagine how difficult it would have been had Edmund been married to Sansa and was now completely different.

"You've been nothing but kind to me since I showed."

[giftless]

"You're family, Jon," Edmund said simply. "Even now."

He had said the same to Arya, to Robb. Robb had called him pack and Edmund rather thought it would be poorly done on his part to treat this Jon any less kindly than he would have treated the other. The saying might have been: "Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia." But Edmund took it more broadly. Maybe Jon would never know Susan again, but Susan had chosen him once and Edmund would respect that choice until Jon gave him reason not to.

And even ignoring all that, he thought Jon was a good sort and kindly was the only way to treat him.